ONE

It was a hot August day. The sun beat down on him as he finished ordering his men to detail. Though the day was hot he didn’t seem to mind it. Occasionally he would wipe his face to remove the sweat from his face. He watched his men as they drilled; his eyes were riveted to them. He waited for them to make one mistake. He had spent his life it seemed training for this day. This day would surely go down as one of his best. He thought about this as he continued to watch them. The whole damned town had turned out for this. If it was a show they wanted, he would make damned sure they went away pleased. The Civil War had just begun and he had already seen some action. He felt like a veteran officer already. He wasn’t sure if he believed in the cause they were fighting for, or just the chance to show certain people that he could be the one thing his mother had so desperately wanted of him. The super commander, the type that everyone would learn to fear. People seemed to be watching him. He understood that this would not be a good time for any of them to screw up. He searched for mistakes and was most pleased when he didn’t see any. The men knew him and understood that it was most important for them to please him. They both feared and admired him. They thought him a bit harsh sometimes. Most times they found him down right odd. His officers certainly thought of him this way. He blinked his eyes and shielded them from the sun as he looked around himself. He noticed that people were lounging around on the ground like it was some kind of church social. He shook his head as he stood there. How could he ever make them understand that this was no joke? Young men were dieing by the thousands. He had seen them himself. At the moment he felt that he was no more then a meaningless face in the crowd. He understood what he needed to do. It was just getting the chance to let himself rule his own thoughts. Others had ruled him all his life. He felt he would make a good officer on his own. When the drill had finished he walked across the field to where his commanding officer stood waiting. On his way there he caught sight of a pretty young girl standing off to the side. He stopped and smiled at her. She blushed and smiled back. His took off his cap and tipped it at her, then preceded to where he was heading. She stood there and watched him as he walked. She watched him talk to the officer while he held his cap in his hand. His blond curls bounced as he moved his head. His face was tanned and this gave him a bronze color that seemed to illuminate his rather large blue eyes. He stood there as tall as his small frame would allow. She watched him like she had never seen anything like him in her life. He could feel her staring at him and this made him feel very uncomfortable. He turned to her and she put her face down. He would go talk to her when he had finished what he was doing he thought. When he was finished getting his orders he turned to see her and she was gone. He walked around and inquired about her but no one seemed to have seen her. He thought about her as he went through the rest of the day doing the same things he had been doing. He drilled his men over and over again making sure they would be ready. They had to be more than ready. They had to be perfect. The whole damned union army seemed to be watching him, just waiting for him to somehow screw up. They would be moving out the next morning for the south. He both regretted this and welcomed it. It even scared him, but he would never let anyone see this. He retired to his quarters and sat for a moment in the dark. He felt better being in the dark. The sun always gave him a headache. He sat there and thought about the young girl he had seen earlier. How beautiful she was. He sat there and ran his hands through his thick hair.

“I have to find out who she was,” he said out loud. He decided he would go into town and get something to eat. Leaving camp he felt the wind on his face and slowed down to take in the sights around him. The trees and the smell of the ocean. He would miss these things the most. He reached up and touched the bars on his shoulder and watched them glisten in the sunlight. How proud he was of them. He had gotten them that morning along with his regimental colors. He looked down at the deep red sash that wrapped around his waist twice.

“Yep, I am a Colonel now.” The smile broadened across his face. He trotted his horse up to a young corporal and saluted him. He swung off the horse and his feet hit the ground with his usual thud. The darkness of the tent surrounded him and up till then he had not given food much thought. Now that he could smell it, he was famished. There were people walking up to him congratulating him and patting him on the back. He smiled at them, but this became boring to him very fast. As he scanned the room his saw her standing across the room. His pace quickened as he strode across the room. He had lost her once today; he was determined not to loose her again. As he got almost to her she turned and walked out the door. He walked out and found her leaning against the wall. She seemed to be looking right past him. His mind reeled. He stood next to her now. Close enough to drink in her perfume. God she smelled so good. He closed his eyes to take in the smell.

“Are you all right Colonel?”

He opened his eyes and looked at her.

“Yes, of course!” he snorted back at her.

She turned away from him now. He knew he had to say something to get her to stay.

“Have we met before ma’am? He asked.

“Not to my knowledge,” she replied as she looked everywhere but at him. He scowled now.

“Then why do you stare at me like we should have already met?” She tipped her head in his direction now. Her eyes searched his.

“Or is it you want to know me?” he asked while he watched her mouth.

“No sir, I never said I wanted to know you. You have decided that for yourself.” He blew out a heavy breath and stared at her for a moment.

“I am leaving in the morning. If you want me you know where to find me.” With that he turned on his heel and left her standing there. As he headed back to camp he thought about what he would say to her if she did show up at his quarters. This scared him. He had been out on very few dates and really had no idea what to say to her. He just knew that he wanted to go away feeling like the man he was supposed to be. The night air felt good to him as settled his horse in and stopped out side his quarters. He unbuttoned his shirt a bit and let the cool air soothe him. He thought about the parade that day and felt pretty good about the way it had turned out. I will miss this place. He thought to himself. He inhaled and smelled the ocean. He thought about her once again and sighed Deciding she wasn’t coming he let himself relax. The red sash hung loosely around his waist now. He looked down at it and smiled.

“I am the best they have,” he said out loud. He opened his eyes again to see her standing in front of him. He stood quickly and buttoned his shirt.

“You should not be sneaking up on people, especially ones that carry big guns.” He turned and walked away from her. She reluctantly followed him. She thought for a moment then stared at him.

“Why is it every time I see you colonel, you have your eyes closed?” she waited there for him to answer. He sat on his bed and looked up at her. He took notice of her now His gaze missed nothing. The curve of her face, the long auburn hair that hung down her back in soft ringlets. Her large brown eyes that seemed almost to talk for her. She walked to him and he stood to meet her. She brushed past him. Close enough for him to smell her perfume. He savored it once again. He knew he wanted to take her in his arms and not let her go until he had finished what it was he wanted to. With a smile that could break anyone’s heart she turned to him. She held out her hand.

“Hi, my name is Sarah,” she said as she waited for him to take her hand. He took her hand and pulled her to him. She was dangerously close now. She tried to pull away from him now. She looked up into his eyes. He bent and brushed his lips across hers. She instantly regretted being there. This had to be the dumbest thing she had done up to date. She twirled around and headed for the safety of the middle of the room. He followed her.

“If its trouble you want. Its trouble you shall find Sarah,” he said to her as he again turned her to him. He said this with a smile that looked both smug and cold to her at the same time. He was leaving the next morning and he knew he would not be coming back. He took her in his arms and pulled her to his chest.

“Sarah” He seemed to breathe her name. He tipped his head to kiss her again and she stepped back from him.

“Why sir! If that is what you are thinking you will be doing with me tonight, well, you are sadly mistaken.” He circled her now and stared at her. She kept thinking he was sure to jump her. He clenched his jaw and she could see it.

“Then why are you here?” she was scared now and backed away from him. He could see the fear in her eyes.

“I will be taking my leave now,” she stammered out. He walked back to his bed now and sat. His placed his face in his hands and looked up at her.

“Please don’t go,” he said in little more than a whisper. She knew she had all the right in the world to be angry with him. Still she turned back to him. He looked up at her with the look of a small child lost without his momma.

“I just need to talk to you is all. He said as he took her hand in his.

“My name is Robert.” She smiled down at him.

“I know that silly.” She paused.

“I asked around today while you were drilling your men.” She smiled again at him. His nodded his head and placed his arms across his chest. He sucked in his mustache and looked at the floor.

“And just what else did you find out?” she stepped back from him.

“I know your leaving in the morning. I do fear for you Robert.” He cocked his head now in her direction as if he couldn’t hear her.

“Your being so young an all,” she said. He paced in front of her now seeming to search for the right words to say.

“Just what the hell is that supposed to mean?” he said in a rush. Her eyes got really big and she walked to the door.

“I meant nothing by that Robert.” She knew now she should be leaving. It was getting dark outside and her parents would be worried about her if she were much later

“If you are waiting for me to have my way with you, you have come to the wrong person He said as he now turned his back to her. He turned from her partly because he didn’t want her to see him smiling. The other reason was because he knew she was afraid of him. She looked at his face now.

“You find this funny? I am scared to death and you find this funny! I will leave now.” She turned and walked out the door. Just as she got outside he took her arm. She tried to pull away from him. His mouth came down over hers. She felt the warmth of him and it filled her like nothing else she had ever had. She knew she had to keep her wits about her. She rather liked this arrogant colonel. But he would not be having his way with her. Not this night. She did like rather teasing him though. This could be fun she thought. He continued to kiss her and she let him. He tasted so good and the smell of him was enticing. Finally she had to stop to breath.

“Robert, I feel I should go no further with this.” He pulled her closer.

“Please don’t leave me now Sarah.”

“I must,” she said as she stepped away from him. He walked back to his bed and sat down She looked down at him and ran her fingers across her lips. This had started out as fun, but now who just got the best of whom. She wondered. She sighed.

“You really didn’t think I would just walk in here and let you make love to me did you?” she asked. He stood now and looked very angry.

“Then why are you here! Tell me! Was this all a game to you?” he asked while he gripped her shoulder. She stumbled back from him now.

“I am so sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you.” He pulled her close again and then walked her to the door.

“You had better go this time Sarah.” She walked away from him and wanted to run to her carriage. Once she was far enough away she squealed. She needed to tell someone, anyone. But who? She knew she could not tell her mother. She would be angry. She had been told to stay away from him. Still the same she felt like she could burst. Nothing like this had ever happened to her. She drove the buggy up to the door of her parent’s cottage and with the lights all on it gave the place a happy glow. Her father met her at the door.

“Just where have you been young lady?” he asked her while she brushed past him.

“Nowhere, papa,” she answered him as her mother walked into the room.

“Help me set the table for the morning Sarah,” she said to her. Sarah reached up in the cabinets and got the dishes down for the table. She set the table and hummed while she did it. Her mother watched her. Once she was done with this she kissed both of her parents and said good night. She ran up the stairs to her room. She was glad to be alone. She took off her dress and held it to her smelling him on her dress. She lay back on her bed remembering the best kiss she had ever had Her door opened and her mother walked in. Sarah stayed put where she was.

“Who was he Sarah?” she asked. Sarah played dumb and looked at her.

“Who ever do you mean mother?” she got up from her bed now and walked to her open window Her mother sat down on the end of the bed.

“Do you think I have always been this old dear?” she asked. Sarah shook her head no.

“I can smell him a mile away dear,” she told her. She finally turned to face her mother. The tears in her eyes told her mother of the pain and uncertainty. A short time passed where neither said a word. Sarah took a deep breath and turned to her mother. She held her hands out in front of her.

“Now mother, please don’t be angry with me for what I am about to tell you.” She caught her breath and went on.

“I know you told me not to, but I just had to momma. I went to see Robert.” Her voice trailed off as she said his name. She could see the worry in her face now.

“It had to be the dumbest thing I have ever done,” she said and her mother agreed with her.

“You didn’t let him do anything did you Sarah?” her mother asked while she held her breath waiting for her daughter to answer. Sarah looked both shocked and hurt.

“I thought you knew me better then that mother.” Her mother’s face softened and Sarah threw herself into her arms.

“I could have though. He wanted me to.” She licked her lips and could still taste him there.

“I let him kiss me though.” She went back to the window and looked out. She knew now that her mother was angry with her. She didn’t care. She listened to her door close and stared up at the stars and thought about how he could be seeing the same stars right now. He was looking at the same stars that night. He sighed and leaned against the wall to his quarters and though he was scared. He knew he could let nothing or no one stand in his way. He went back inside and knelt next to his bed. He took the sash and held it to his face. He leaned his forehead down on it and whispered.

“May god have mercy.” He slid into bed and lay there. Sarah slipped into bed that night clutching her dress to her. The next thing she heard was the sound of breaking glass. She sat up and listened. She could hear her mother screaming and she ran from her room to the top of the stairs. She could see men in uniforms in her parlor. They were beating her father and dragging him out into the street She ran as fast as she could down the stairs. She jumped on the man and began hitting him. He paid her no mind and threw her to the floor. As they drug him out of the house she ran out screaming for help. No one would help her. She ran and knocked on doors and still no one would help them. These were people she had known all her life. They had come for dinners and parties. She ran back to the house and found her mother crouched in a corner crying uncontrollably She helped her up from the floor and began asking her as to why this was happening. Her stood up and looked out the window.

“Sarah, go pack a bag and meet me down here. Pack only what you can carry. I have to get you to Geoffrey’s tonight.” She turned to her as Sarah still stood there staring at her.

“Go now and do as I ask!” her mother yelled. She wanted to see Robert. He would help her. There just was not enough time. She came back down the stairs and her mother hurried her out into the street. The streets were chocked with people trying to get to the train station. Women were crying as they held their children heavy with sleep. Lillian went to get the ticket and was told he would not sell her one. He sneered and told her she was a no good reb. She went back to Sarah and took her hand.

“They won’t sell us one Sarah.” She took her hand tight in hers and led her down the back alley to the outskirts of town. She knew she had to get her daughter to safety. She found some other families that were loading wagons with children that were in the same predicament that they were in. She asked if they could take Sarah with them. Sarah held onto her mother.

“No! What about you mother?” she screamed. Lillian shoved her into the back of the wagon and kissed her cheek.

She sat in the back of the wagon and tried to make sense out of what just happened. The day had been so lovely. How could this be happening to her? She held her mothers hand until the wagon began to move. She watched out the back until her mother became a dot in her memory. She laid back and felt ill. She laid her head down and sobbed She thought for a moment.

Robert! He must have had something to do with this. She finally let sleep over take her and she woke when the wagon stopped. More people were added and the women cried that their husbands had been killed. The union army was sending out death squads to round up all the southern men that lived in the near by towns. Sarah listened and could not understand why. She had lived here all her life. Yes, her father did own a house once down south. She remembered going there in the summers sometimes. There was nothing more she could do about things now. She again laid her head down and let the rocking motion of the wagon lull her to sleep. The next time she woke she had someone grabbing at her. She opened her eyes to see a tall dark haired man. He helped her down out of the back and she remembered feeling very odd. She opened her eyes when she heard a young women talking to her.

“Oh, you poor dear girl. What have they done to you?” she said in a very thick accent Sarah shied away from her at first. The women yelled for Sookie to come to her. A small black girl came running to her.

“Get me some wet clothes and something for this poor girl to eat.” The girl turned and ran. Sarah again looked to see the man. She stared at him and thought she knew him.

“Yes,” she thought.

“This must be my uncle Geoffrey.” She had not seen him in years. The last time she had seen him he was nothing but a tall awkward looking kid with rather large brown eyes. Now she thought he looked rather handsome. She looked back at the women.

Geoffrey smoothed her hair back from her face. The women washed her face with the wet cloth and it stung. Sarah wondered why everyone was staring at her. She decided that she must have gotten hurt scuffling with the men that had taken her father. Geoffrey looked down at her now.

“Sarah? This is Laura. She is my wife. She is going to help you now.” He told her as he carried her up the stairs. Once they were through they let her go back to sleep. The sun was out and it was already warm when Robert dressed and walked out of his quarters. He stopped at the door and took one last look around before he closed the door. He found his men already in formation. This pleased him and he waited to take his place at the head of the regiment. His horse seemed to know that this was a big day for him. He refused to stand still and danced his way up the street. They formed in the square and Robert allowed them to say good-bye to their families. He stayed up on his horse. It was all he could do to keep him on the ground. He bent forward and slapped his neck. He finally had to canter him up and down the street to calm him down. When he heard the officers giving orders to form ranks he went and made the horse stand still at the head of the square. People watched him as he did this. His blond hair blew in the breeze. He laid his hand on his thigh and stared forward. He blew out a heavy breath and began to walk down the street. The band played and he looked back to see his men in their uniforms and he smiled. He was so proud of them. He reached around and pulled his saber out and held it up by his face. As he went past the gate it turned his head slightly and kissed the saber and pointed it at his mother. She had a handkerchief in her hand. He neither smiled nor paid her much attention as he rode past her. His father saluted him. He smirked and kept going. Once they reached the shore they were loaded into boats. He stood there and listened to his men talk as the boats were launched. He took his cap off and let his hair blow. He wiped his face and took his calve skin gloves off and hung them from his belt. He took a cigar out of his pocket and lit it leaving it parked in the corner of his mouth. He sat and put his feet up on the side of the boat and smoked his cigar. The sun was already giving him a headache and he could feel the sweat running inside his collar. They pushed on through that night and he felt better once it was dark. He listened to the loons cry in the distance. No one had said a word to him. He liked it that way. He did notice that they stared at him when they thought he wasn’t looking. He leaned back and closed his eyes and let himself fall asleep. He woke when his sergeant touched his shoulder. He opened his eyes and looked up at him.

“Begging the colonel’s pardon. We are ready to land.” Robert sat up and rubbed his face.

“Good enough sergeant. Once we are on land have them form ranks.” The man saluted him and walked away. He went to the back and unloaded his horse. He stopped and let him have a drink before he walked him out of the water. He bent down and scooped some water up in his hands and washed his face. He dried his face on his coat sleeve and stood. He looked around himself. He mounted his horse and waited for the men to form their ranks. He made his horse walk and had to keep his head arched to make him do so. Robert looked around at the moss that hung from the trees and marveled at the magnolia trees. He took the paper out of his pocket and read it. They had marched for most of the morning before he came to where he knew he should be. He waved his hand over the side and everyone stopped. While they set up camp he rode out to scout around. He was satisfied with the lay of the land. He rode back to find his tent already up and his things being loaded inside. He smiled when he saw they had put him under the trees. He dismounted and landed with his usual thud on the ground. A corporal came and got his horse. He stood there for a moment and blinked his eyes. The sergeant came and stood next to him.

“Colonel, you don’t look so well.” All of a sudden Robert felt like he was going to become ill. He walked to the side of the tent and threw up. He wiped his mouth on his sleeve and stood there.

“Better sir?” the man asked.

“It’s too damned hot down here!” he went inside the tent and lay down on his bed. He had just gone to sleep when the sergeant began shaking him. He sat up and grabbed his gun. The sergeant was yelling at him.

“The damned trees are swarming with Rebs!” Robert drew his saber and his revolver. He headed outside and let out a scream. He waved his saber over his head and stood his ground and fired round after round until his gun clicked empty. He put it away and went for them with his saber. The more he stuck it through the people coming at him the better he felt. This is what he had trained for all his life. The guns stopped and he stood there in the middle of the field with his sides heaving. He swallowed and looked around himself. He looked down at the bodies lying on the ground and the thrill of killing still ran through him. He loved it, it excited him beyond any words he could have said. The blood dripped from his saber as he walked over them. He let himself see the faces as he walked. They were children. Most of them were no older then fifteen. He stopped and stared down at this one kid. He couldn’t take his eyes from his face. The sergeant came to stand next to him. He reached out and caught him as he passed out He sat him under a tree and waited for him to come around. He looked at the sergeant and told him to Report in a voice not quit his own.