Over the
next two days she carried out her responsibilities in a daze. She didn’t sleep
in Christopher and her bedroom. She couldn’t stand not feeling him lying next
to her. Every time that she walked into the room she could feel his presence.
Sometimes she thought she heard his voice, but when she turned, he wasn’t
there. There were times she’d walk into the bedroom then stand and stare at the
picture that hung above the head of the bed. As she studied the artwork, she was
sure she felt Christopher’s hand rest upon her shoulder, but when she turned,
he wasn’t there.
Although Christopher was gone, Jadyn wasn’t truly alone. Randu and
Cortez came by both nights in order to try and console her. They knew
Christopher was gone and she didn’t inquire as to how they had found out. One
night Cortez and Randu had stayed until half an hour before sunrise.
She had stood and stared out the sunroom window, toward the woods. Her
heart cried out for her husband.
“He’s not there, Jadyn,” Randu said gently.
“I know,” she replied softly.
“Jadyn, when Christopher figures out what he needs to do, he’ll be
back,” he said reassuringly.
Jadyn turned her head and looked at Randu. “But when will that be?
Tomorrow? This weekend? Or a hundred years from now?” she asked sadly.
Randu shook her head. “You know I can’t answer that. No one can answer
that. Have you tried to ask anyone else?” he questioned as he peered upward.
Jadyn lowered her gaze. “No, I can’t do that.”
“And why not?”
Jadyn turned back toward the window. “Because I’m supposed to be the one
to figure things out, to be the one to keep everything in order in this realm.”
“You’re not expected to be a superwoman, Jadyn. There’s going to be many
times when you’ll have to ask for help, for guidance. You can’t take on the
world all by yourself without some help.”
She bit her lower lip and swallowed. “My help is gone,” she said in a
quiet, dejected tone.
“That’s not true. You have many friends,” he reminded Jadyn.
She shook her head. “You know what I mean.”
He sighed. “Yes, I do. But he will be back, have faith.” Randu
glanced over at Cortez and sadly shook his head.
A tear slowly streamed down her face. “Adrian,” she whispered in a lost
tone. “Oh, Adrian, you always knew what to say, and now you’re gone, too,” she
said as she choked on her tears.
More tears streamed down her cheeks as she thought about Christopher.
“Destiny. It can play cruel tricks, can’t it? It brought us together and now
it’s torn us apart. I love Christopher. Dear God, I love my husband so much and
I will until the day I die. He’s been all I could ever have asked for in a
husband. He’s even showed me insight into the vampire world.” She caught a
choked breath, swallowed again, and then continued.
“I’ve seen into his soul. I carried it next to mine for years…” she
released a nervous, strained laugh. “Hell, for hundreds of years. Sometimes his
love is so pure it nearly brings me to my knees. He loves unselfishly, deeply,
and completely. His life was even offered as forfeit for mine.”
She brushed away the tears that continued to rain unchecked down her
face. “He haunted my dreams each lifetime, and now he does so again.” She
turned toward the two men. “The past two nights I thought I heard Christopher
speak to me but when I turned to reply, he wasn’t there. I awoke early one
morning with the strangest sensation that I was in his arms but when I glanced
up, he wasn’t there. I see him in every flower, in every tree, and in every
couple who walks down the street. I hear his laughter in the air around me.
Where there is beauty and goodness he is there.” A sob escaped from her throat.
“Oh God, I miss Remiel. Dear heaven, help me, I miss him so.” She quieted for a
moment in order to try and calm herself.
In a weak voice she continued. “The Great One gave Christopher to me
then took him away. I’ve tried to bury myself in my work in order to help the
days pass quickly, but my thoughts always wander to him. When he left he took
the best part of myself, and I find I can’t live without him any longer He
sacrificed our life together so that I’d be safe from him, from the ravages of
the vampire. No one can know the true depth of our love for each other…it will
span through time and space.”
She lowered her gaze to the floor. “I wanted to grab onto him, not allow
him to go, but he was gone before I could hold him to me. I can see his side,
his logic in this, truly I can.” She clenched her fists to her sides. “But damn
the logic. I want him back no matter what we have to go through together. Time
can’t erase what we have. Time was against us for hundreds of years but it
never truly won. We found each other even though the odds were stacked against
us. We came together each time, if only for a moment, and then I was gone But
I found Christopher…every time, I found him…I just have to do it again.”
She dropped wearily into a chair that she had drawn up next to the
window. She then wrapped her arms around herself. “Even now I try to connect to
him but he blocks me. He may have been a vampire, one of the Evil Ones’
creations when I met him, but he was still the gentlest man I ever knew. I
never looked upon him as a vampire, not really. There were many times when we
were together that I forgot what he was. We broke the barrier of touch that
exists between the vampire and myself. We broke that spell and he held me to
him without discomfort to himself.” She released the grip she had on herself
and peered down at her hands.
“Why this? Why now? For years I longed for Christopher to be with me. We
paid for our transgression. We were assured a life together, yet now…” she
sadly shook her head as she fought for a controlled breath. “I call out for him
and he’s not there. I wish for him to return to me, but he does not. I want to
be taken from this cruel life, for without him, I have no life.” She turned
pleading eyes to Randu. “Why? Why has this happened? Did I do something wrong?
Did he? Surely we must have for us to have been torn apart so. I just don’t
understand. Does the Great One and the Great Masters wish to see how much
heartache one such as I can endure? Is that what this is all about?” Her
stifled sobs broke free as she finally released hours of pent up pain and
grief. Her shoulders slumped as her body was wracked with the force of her
cries. She cupped her face in her hands. She had given up fighting for
self-control.
Randu and Cortez lowered their heads in sadness for the one who hurt so
completely.
She tried to shake off the grief that fought to wear her down. She
raised her head, took in a cleansing breath, and let it out slowly. “I want him
back. For years he lived through hell as a vampire. Now what is happening to
him? I can’t even help him. He’s alone somewhere, as he has been for hundreds
of years…alone and fighting the vampire side of himself once more. And here I
am, alone, just as I was when I searched for him through the endless cycle of
death.” She lowered her head. “I want him back. I want him to come home to me
before I die from grief and loneliness.” Her voice trailed off weakly. “I’ll
die without him and I won’t try to prevent it.”
Randu strode forward then knelt in front of Jadyn. He braced himself for
what was to come then reached out to her. He took one of her hands in his He
winced at the shock but he held on until the pain eased to a tolerable level.
“No, Jadyn! Don’t say that! What if Christopher came back and you were gone?
Then what kind of hell would you have placed him in? Think about your
child, Christopher’s child! Would you let a part of him die? Your grief is
talking now. It will take time. You’ll adjust. He’ll be back. You just need to
hold on until he does.”
She raised her head and met Randu’s gaze. “I can’t live without him,”
she whispered with tear-filled eyes. “I need him like the air I breathe I need
him. Don’t you see? We were first connected when we were in the upper realms
together. A mysterious bond has always existed between us from the first day we
met. Without my other half I won’t last long anyway. We are two parts of a
whole. We belong together. We were made for each other. Just as our swords come
together to create a complete power, so do we. I need him, I want him…I love
him.” Her voice suddenly became a mere spark of a whisper in the night.
He sadly shook his head. “I don’t know what to say, Jadyn. I wish I
could help you. I wish I could bring Christopher back, but I don’t know where
he is. He must know what he’s doing. He left to be alone. To be alone in order
to come to terms with whatever is happening to him. You must trust him to know
what he’s doing. You must trust him to deal with this and come back to you.”
“I do trust him. I trusted him when he was a bloodthirsty vampire. I’ve
trusted him for hundreds of years. I even trusted him during the past few days
of this new challenge. Why can’t he trust that I know what I’m doing?”
“Perhaps he doesn’t trust himself, Jadyn. I know what he’s going
through. I can understand his logic in this. Please, Jadyn. Please hold on for
a while longer. Give Christopher a chance to make it through this.” He lowered
his voice. “Please, don’t let Christopher come back and find he’s alone again.
This time the memories won’t be erased…he’ll remember you. He’ll remember you
carried his child and that the child he loved and wanted so badly is dead as
well. He will live through hell until he fades away to nothing. Is that the
sentence you wish to place upon him? That’s a slow, cruel death, Jadyn.”
Her tears fell again as her heart sank even lower. “No. Oh God, no,
Randu, I don’t want to do that to him.”
He smiled as he gently patted Jadyn’s hand. “Then hang on until he comes
back. Trust in him. Have faith in your love. I know he loves you more than life
itself.”
She stared into Randu’s eyes as her tears fell faster. The thought of
Christopher suffering from the memories of them being together and then being
torn apart, was too much. She couldn’t let him go through that torture, that
madness. Still, she didn’t know just how long that she could hold on.
The wounds were deep. Her hurt, her loneliness was deep. Christopher’s hold on
her was strong and she needed the half that completed her. He had left her so
suddenly that the shock had taken its toll not only on her heart, but her
ability to rationalize what had taken place. She couldn’t see beyond the hurt.
Jadyn threw her arms around him, and he, a vampire, attempted to console
the Guardian who hurt more than he had seen any other in all his years of
living on the earth. After a time he slowly pulled away from Jadyn and brushed
his fingers across her cheeks in an attempt to wipe away her tears. “Now there,
Jadyn, we’ll see you through this. We’ll look out for you until Christopher
returns. Please, stop crying and listen to me,” he said in a gentle yet
commanding voice.
She nodded and turned her full attention to Randu’s voice. “You can come
to the club and stay there for a while. At least until you have calmed down a
little,” he offered.
“But what if Christopher comes home and I’m not here?” she asked.
He smiled. “He’ll know where to find you. He’ll search for you and he’ll
find you. I promise you,” he reassured Jadyn.
She nodded and drew away from Randu. She then stood, went to the window,
and peered out toward the woods. “I’ll stay here for now. But I may come to the
club sometime, when I need…” she couldn’t finish the thought. She brushed her
hands across her face, gathered her composure, and then caught a cleansing
breath. “I’ll be fine. You two have more important things to do than to sit
here with a tearful woman.” She took in another deep breath and turned to face
the men in the room. She waved a hand. “You two go on. The night will be gone
soon and you need to get home.”
Randu knew Jadyn was putting up a brave front. She wasn’t truly all
right. She’d never be all right if Christopher didn’t come home soon. He
nodded. “Very well. We’ll go. But expect to hear from us again soon. We’ll keep
in touch.” He motioned to Cortez and they headed through the kitchen and to the
backdoor.
Once she saw them take off, she dropped back into her chair. A shadow of
despair immediately fell across her, and she pined for the one who was gone.
Once again…she was alone.
(Continued...)